i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
