Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
where are you?
Hypothermia
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Randomize
