Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
how do flat chested girls get laid?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
