Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
