when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
