i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
