I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
