This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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