At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
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The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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