Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Hippo gnu deer
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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