how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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