Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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