love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
