Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I have post one night stand depression
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