I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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