is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
