Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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