Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Sacagawea was the original milf.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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