I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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