apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
