Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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