Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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