i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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