If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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