I don't remember. Are we still dating?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
