just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
