A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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