I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
