Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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