What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
