he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I need to sanitize my soul.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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