M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
