soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
