whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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