I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
