My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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