I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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