I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
