Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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