I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
