Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
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I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
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