Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
There was a lot of him and a little penis
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
