They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
