I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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