The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Never joke about your clitoris.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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