Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
