I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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