Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
