my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
