somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
