dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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