yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
