but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
