Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
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