Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
