god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
There was a lot of him and a little penis
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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