I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
