Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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