Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
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She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
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A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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