why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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