the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
