How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
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I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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