You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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