I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
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