It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
this will be a night to untag.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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