OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
