In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
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