Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
