you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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