Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize