i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
